That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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