words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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