There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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