omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your penis caused this!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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