He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
