I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
