Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
