So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
