im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
