if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
