I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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