when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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