when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
