You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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