I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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