This is not my ceiling
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
