Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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