3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
