We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
