That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This baby is an asshole
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
