So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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