Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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