I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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