now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
