Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
