guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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