return my video game
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
