U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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