you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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