the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
