Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
