its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
