why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you inspire me to be a worse person
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
