my mouth tastes like poor choices
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
