Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
