I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
