did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
