Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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