i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
