fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
