and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't put those talents on a resume
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
