You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
