I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
