so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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