So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
