So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
