Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
