HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
