Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
