My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
