its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
