I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
