the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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