Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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