No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
