There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize