Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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