operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
