He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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