well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
