I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
